I don't know what that is....

Ok this one was something that happened to me the other day.

Tech: Ok, I need to you get a chair...

Guy: I don't know what that is.

Tech: Excuse me Sir? You don't know what a chair is?

(Ok let me tell you, this guy knew flawless English but I did detect a hit of something else in him.)

Tech: Sir, I need you get a chair so that can set this (un named object) on it, you know the thing you sit on.

Guy: I don't know what that is.


(At this point I had him put me back on with hise wife that did in fact know what a chair was and we got the problem fixed.)

Blowed Up!

This is a voice mail one of my buddies got today.

"Hi this is (dude), my ATM done blowed up."


Greatest voice mail ever.

Welcome Message

This one I can accredit to our answering service, they are so stupid. The following is a welcome message on an actual ATM in an undisclosed location.


"It's story telling time for singing, drumming, and dancing!"

...and on the receipt it says, "Don't spend your money on Moonpies."

...make something...

“hey what time can I call you guys?”

“you can call us any time, we have support 24 hours”

“ok good because I wanted to make something, I’ll call you back later”

“….k”

Contributed By: P.H.

Email Flaggers

Tech: Thank you for calling customer support, how may I help you?

Caller: Hi, I was looking at my monthly credit card statement, and I saw a charge on there for 19.95, and a phone number, and I want to know what the **** it was for.

Tech: Ok, and what is your name sir.

(He calls off his name, and after a short pause)

Tech: Ok, I see where you have our dial-up Internet service.

Caller: Is that so I can get my e-mail?

Tech: Well, it's so that you can browse the Internet, do you currently have Internet?

Caller: NO, we stand outside and hold flags! Is this service so that I can check my e-mail?

Tech: Yes, sir, this is so that you can check your e-mail.

Caller: Is this a monthly or a annual charge?

Tech: This is a monthly charge.

Caller: Ok, thank you, I was just wondering. Good-bye.

Tech: Good-bye.


-Contributed By: Dave

Hesitated Excitement

Tech: Ok, now click in the address bar.

Caller: Ok, where is that?

Tech: Should be at the top of the window.

Caller: Where it says, www.google.com

Tech: Yes mam.

Caller: Ahh, just to the right of where it says "Address"

Tech: Yes, mam, now delete what is in the address bar.

Caller (with a worried sound in her voice): You want me to delete Google???

Tech: Yes mam, just delete whatever is there.

Caller (now with a cautious sound in her voice): Oh O K.....

Tech: Ok, now type in this address ........(calls out the address to type in)

(The sound of each key-press is heard as she slowly types in each letter)

Tech: Ok, now press Enter.

Caller: Press what?

Tech: Enter, press the Enter key.

Caller: Where is that?

Tech: On the keyboard, should be right above the Shift key.

Caller: Oh O K...I've never done this before.

(The sound of a single key-press can be heard)

Caller: ...WWOOWW...


-Contributed By: Dave

Fried Motherboard, MMMMMM....

Caller: I would like to cancel my service.

Tech: And the reason for the cancellation?

Caller: I just fried my motherboard.


-Contributed By: Dave

New Ink

Caller: I changed the ink in my printer and now my modem won't connect.

(No comment needed....)

Outlook into Hibernation

Tech: Ok, now I need you to open up Outlook.

Caller: Ok.

*There is a short pause*

Caller: ...uh oh, now it says that Windows is preparing to hibernate.


-Contributed By: Dave

No Dial Tone

Caller: My computer is saying that it does not have a dial tone

Tech: Then it sounds like we might want to check the phone cord, or you could have a bad modem.

Caller: So it wouldn't help if I defragmatized it?


-Contributed By: Dave

Inverted or Turned Around?

OK, now on this call, I can only hope that the caller had a Mighty-Mouse for her Mac. If you have a Mac, and use a Mighty-Mouse, then you should understand, if you don't, then just do a quick Google search for a Mighty-Mouse and look at their design, and then you should understand as well. Now I will say in advance, that I like Macs, I really do, but sometimes we get callers.....that I honestly have to wonder.....do they even try?


Tech: Thank you for calling customer support. How may I help you?

Caller: Ah yes, I can't get my mouse to work. It won't click, and when I move it, it goes in the wrong direction.

Caller: Also, I am a little green with computers, and I have Mac.

*Call carries on for about 2 minutes*

Tech: OK, ma'am, when you move the mouse, tell me exactly what happens to the little arrow on the screen.

Caller: Well, when I move the mouse left, the little arrow goes right. When I move it right, the little arrow goes left. When I move the mouse down, the little arrow goes up, and when I move the mouse up, the little arrow goes down.

Tech: OK, and when you click the mouse, can you actually hear and feel the mouse click?

Caller: No. But when I click on the back of the mouse, I hear it click.

Tech: OK, and what end of the mouse is the cord coming out of.

Caller: The back.

Tech: OK, ma'am, what I am going to need you to do is turn the mouse around so that the cord comes out the front.

Caller: Oh, the cord comes out the front?

*Short pause while caller turns the mouse around*

Caller: Oh, look at that, it works now. Thank you.

Tech: Your welcome.

Caller: Good-bye

Tech: Good-bye

*After call ends, Tech laughs hysterically*


-Contributed By: Dave

Repetition Killed The Tech

Tech: Ok, see where it says, "Home Page"?

Caller: Yes, I see it.

Tech: Ok, then I need you to type in this address, and this does not need to have "www" in front of it.

*Tech calls out the home page address*

Caller: Do I need to type in "www"?

Tech: No sir.


-Contributed By: Dave

Joined The Internet

Tech: Thank you for calling customer support, how may I help you?

Caller: Ah yes, this is (customer), I joined the Internet yesterday and I am now trying to send an e-mail...but whenever I try, this "Microsoft Internet Explosion" thing comes up with all sorts of screens.


-Contributed By: Dave

I don't claim you....

Tech: Thank you for calling customer support, how may I help you?

Caller: Ah...yes...my virus thing is dead.


(We are not your "virus thing" company)


-Contributed By: Dave

Vista=No Start Button

Tech: Ok, now I need you to click on the "Start" button.

Caller: Ahh, I don't have a Start button.

Tech: Is this a Machintosh?

Caller: A Mac In Who?

Tech: Is this an Apple Computer?

Caller: I don't think so, it says, "HP Pavilion" on the front.

Tech: You sure you don't have a button on the screen that says, "Start"?

Caller: I don't see the word "Start" anywhere on the screen.

*Tech thinks for a bit, slightly puzzled, then has a idea*

Tech: Is this Windows Vista?

Caller: I think it is...

Tech: Ok, is there this round button in the bottom left hand corner?

Caller: Yes.

Tech: Good, then click it.

-Contributed By: Dave

I don't see that...

Caller: Hi, I'm getting an error when I try to send an e-mail.

Tech: And what is that error?

Caller: It says, "Reciepent rejected by the server."

Tech: Ok, and what do you use to send e-mail?

Caller: Outlook Express? Is that right?

Tech: Ok, well, I need you to click on "Tools"

Caller: I'm in my inbox, I don't see that.

Tech: It should be at the very top of the window.

Caller: I still don't see that.

Tech: Ok, do you see where it says, "File"?

Caller: Oh, ok, I see "File".

Tech: Good, now go right, and you should see..

Caller: It says, "Create Mail", "Reply", "Reply All"

Tech: No mam, go right along the menus, you should see "Edit"

Caller: I don't see that.

Tech: Ok, you see "File"? Let's go ahead and click on that.

Caller: Ok..I clicked on it.

Tech: Now, if you go directly right you'll see "Edit", the menu should change when you get
there.

Caller: Ok, it says, "New" "Open" "Save" "Save as..."

Tech: No mam, right, you just went down. I need you to go right. You should see "Edit"
*short pause*

Caller: Oh, ok, now I see it. "Edit"

Tech: Good, now continue on in that direction till you get to "Tools"

Caller: Ok, now I am on "View".

Tech: That's good, should be one more menu from there.

Caller: ok, now I see "Tools".

Tech: Alright. Now, you see where it says, "Accounts..." at the bottom of that menu?

Caller: I do.

Tech: Good, now go down till you get to that.

Caller: Well, I do, but when I move the mouse, the menu changes and it says, "Contents and
Index" "Read Me" and "About Microsoft Outlook Express".

Tech: Ok, you just went further right, I need you to go back to the "Tools" menu, and do down.

Caller: Oh, ok.
*short pause*

Caller: Opps, it did it again.
*short pause*

Caler: Ahh, ok there it is.

Tech: Now click on it.

Caller: Ok, it opened up this new window, "Internet Accounts".

Tech: Good, now...
*calls proceeds on very smoothly from this point, with no real problems, then at the end of the call...*

Caller: Oh, also... I was wondering about getting DSL...


-Contributed By: Dave

You Have To Tell It!

Here is how it works. No names will be given, no companies will be named. Privacy is a must because someone might get offended and I respect that, but there is no way to cover up what these people said. They say kids say the darnedest things, adults with a lack of knowledge in any given subject do too. The proceeds will be funny things that happen where I work in my everyday life. Welcome to Tech Support Blunders. I will admit, this isn't my story but is my bosses.

Tech: Thank you for calling Tech Support, how may I help you?

Caller (Asian male): Yes, my ATM says I have no money.

Tech: Well, Sir, you have to tell the ATM how much money it has in it.

Caller (Asian male): Oh, one second. (hears man walk over to ATM) YOU HAVE TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS IN YOU! (man tries to withdraw cash from the ATM and none was given) The ATM didn't give me my money, it still says it has no money.

Tech: (Overhearing what this man just said, on speakerphone nonetheless with an audience) What did you do?

Caller (Asian male): I go over to the ATM and put my mouth to the speaker hole and told the ATM it had two hundred dollars was in it.

Tech: Hold please.... (The tech put the caller on hold for a good 5 minutes laughing their ass off).


The tech corrects the caller in a polite manner and explains how to properly add money to the ATM.